Why I Won’t Share With My Husband

I admit it. I’m a food hoarder.

My husband also has a blog and told me he was going to write about my food hoarding. I decided I would beat him to it to get my side out first. Point: me.

It all started when I changed my eating habits. Those of you who eat clean and whole know how much more food costs. Rather than buy a 10 pack of Quaker granola bars for $2.99, I was buying bars costing around $2 each. Instead of buying $0.50 candy bars, I was buying dark chocolate at $3 a bar. And instead of cheap crackers, I was snacking on expensive jerky.

So a few weeks ago when I came home and discovered my husband had eaten my $4 Lilly’s Stevia Chocolate Bar, I was livid. How DARE he eat my food!!! My anger got the best of me and I stormed upstairs demanding to know where my chocolate was!

My poor husband. He’d had enough. He came back with, “I don’t know what to eat. I can’t eat the chocolate, the jerky, half the bars. I’m a guy. I see food and I eat it!”

So before you think I’m a terrible person and report me to the police for spousal abuse, let me explain my side. Here’s why I get so angry when people eat my food.

One: It’s all I eat. I got angry with my husband because he’d eat my Lilly’s chocolate AND a bag of processed, artificial everything M&Ms. He’d eat my jerky AND the stale box of animal-shaped crackers in the pantry. If he decided to eat 100% the way I do, I’d buy double the bars, jerky and chocolate treats. BUT, it seems a shame to eat something so healthy/expensive and them counter it with junk. Right!? I mean the logic makes sense…. right? Right??? Plus, when he eats all my bars, I can’t substitute them with something else in the back of the pantry. Sigh…

Two: He doesn’t seem to enjoy the food like I do. Eating is always an amazing experience for me. I like to be in a relaxed state and slowly savor each delicious bit of what I eat. I look forward to it and like to focus on it fully. Yes, that’s disturbing on many levels, but it’s the truth. When I treat food like that, eating a $2.45 Epic Bar doesn’t seem like quite the splurge it would otherwise. My husband on the other hand, inhales his food in just a few bites, usually while he’s working. It makes me feel bad for the poor cow who died to make the jerky. He should be savored, not inhaled!!

Three: I’m jealous!!! Yes I eat healthy not just to maintain a weight that makes me comfortable, but to feel good physically and emotionally. But it irks me that my husband can reap the benefits without as much work. Let me explain further. When I made these changes, my husband lost 15 lbs because the one meal I made him each day (dinner) was healthier. He ate the same lunch and breakfast and maintained the same fitness level. Yet he lost 15 lbs, has zero joint issues, sleeps fine, has no skin sensitivities and feels nothing remotely close to anxiety! I have to work my tuckus off to have those results, yet he gets them from changing dinner??? So I guess when he eats my healthy options, I’m ultra sensitive and just want to eat my own 5 lb bag of peanut M&Ms (his favorite treat). I’M! SO! JEALOUS!

But, all this considered, I still felt guilty. So I decided I needed to get my husband his own bag of treats he could hoard, hide and get angry about if people steal. So the kids and I went to Target and bought him his favorite treats and labeled them “Dad Only!” I hope this makes up for some of my food insanities.

So yes, this all sounds crazy! And yes, I probably need therapy. But am I the only one who feels this way? Yes I admit, I’ve hidden food and I’ve hidden myself to eat the food, but haven’t most of us? Don’t you have a sock drawer with dark chocolate, or a glove box with your favorite snack?

Again, my name is Ami and I admit I’m a food hoarder.